2/10 – It took me a while last night to get to sleep as I had so much going around in my head. It was like my brain was going 100mph again and would not clam down. It has not been like that for a while. I cannot even be specific about what was on my mind, but it appeared to be flitting back and forth between ‘A’, work, next weeks triathlon and todays plans. Everything was just so random and all over the place. I just wanted to escape my brain.
I woke up before 6am and the thought of going for a run crossed my mind but I knew I would be even more tired and grumpy for the rest of the day. Instead I went back to sleep and I am now at David Lloyd having done 1hr 15 on the Wattbike. I am meeting ‘A’ at 12.30 but I am not sure if I am in a positive frame of mind to be cheery. I guess I don’t have to be. I felt quite emotional whilst on the bike and I am not sure if it was sweat or tears trickling down my face. Not sure where the emotions are coming from this morning. I still don’t feel like eating – I just cannot be bothered. Vicious circle I guess. I had a couple of text messages from a friend this morning. She knows about me not wanting to eat and is concerned.
2/10 – Met with ‘A’ but I was really upset and teary and I just could not help it. I really don’t know what is going on with me today. I am finding things hard and I am really struggling. Not wanting to go home I then had a walk around IKEA before arriving here (Coffee #1 Penarth). I really feel broken and am hurting. No more to say, apart from that my thoughts are all over the place. Am I worried about my thoughts? Not sure?
3/10 – Rubbish day but my mood has lifted slightly. Had lazy afternoon and not had much to eat (a couple of plain bread rolls). I have spoken with a friend on the phone this evening and he mentioned about meeting up next week. I was honest and explained about my isolated state and said ‘I would see’. My brain feels overwhelmed.