Sunday 17th July 2017 (9.13pm)

I thought that as I have that ‘Sunday evening, back to school tomorrow’ feeling I would write it out. Not that things are bad, I just don’t really know what is going on or how I feel. I worked 3 days last week, 4 hours each day. With the other 2 days a week I am taking my last years annual leave. All I can say is that I am grateful for the 2 days off! It is nice being back in work with friends but I found it hard being around people for 4 hours a day. There is no pressure or demand on me at the moment as I settle back in. I could not cope with it anyway. I am finding my way around systems and my mobile device again. I used to whizz around everything, now I seem unsure of what I am doing. I suppose this is natural considering the amount of time I have had off.

I found my days very tiring and I found it hard to concentrate for any length of time. I started reading through a HMIC report on harassment and stalking. Again, usually I would have eaten it up quickly but I found that I kept reading over the same thing and drifting away from it. I feel distant and not tuned in to it. A million miles away from police work. I have changed massively, I had to for my own head to survive. I feel that I have gone back to an environment which is alien to me and I am not sure which direction I am supposed to be heading in.

I made sure that I left on time and it was always nice to get home to Olly Dog. As for tomorrow it is planned that I work for 5 hours a day. Not quite sure how I feel about that or how it will go. One thing I am sure of is that I am in the right department with a good support crew around me. No mood score as I really don’t know.