Feeling rubbish

Friday 19th August 2016 (9.25pm)

3/10 – Another difficult day but a slight improvement (I think) on yesterday. I was awake most of the night, feeling totally rubbish. I really did not want to get out of bed to go to the doctors. My head felt as if everything was surreal and all over the place. I felt awful, so much so that I could not even shower before going, so I had a wash, dressed and chucked on a baseball cap as I knew that when I got home I would be getting back into bed.

Again, the Dr was great. I told him that I felt that I was not at any immediate risk. We talked about a referral to see a Psychiatrist. I am reluctant to see one, as the thought of it terrifies me but I know that I need help and I am willing to give it a go. I just need to wait for an appointment to come through the post now. I am not sure how long that will take. The Dr asked me if I thought that I felt the way I did because of the medication. I did not know the answer to this, but I have only been on Duloxetine 2 weeks?

I messaged my line manager to explain what had happened yesterday and today and said that I would still be able to attend the sickness meeting at 2pm then climbed back in to bed.

I met up with a friend before the meeting, which I am glad I did as it settled me a little bit. When I got to my meeting with management and HR they did not think it was appropriate to set any action plan or any targets or return to work date. Their concern was me and my welfare. I explained that I was still willing to return work at the earliest opportunity. The meeting went well but I still have no answers for the way I am feeling. They were very supportive and I do believe that they have my best interests in hand. I just need to focus on me and getting well again.

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