Where did February go?

Monday March 1st 2021 (8.56pm)

Whilst it felt like there were 94 days in January, February felt like it was over before it began. That said, I did hit a mental slump during the month, where I felt like I had hit the deck for a week or so. A common feeling with many no doubt, with the lack of social contact, enjoyable events and lack of normality. It was the first time in the last 12 months where I felt fed up with the whole situation. I kind of got stuck in the chop, where I could have met with my bubble but did not want to. My mood, motivation and enthusiasm all social distanced themselves from me, leaving me to try and work out what was going on. I did not want to do anything apart from my exercise and be with Olly. I did not want to study, I wrote half a research paper (Sports Medicine) and I have since left it sitting as an unfinished document within Word. 

I joined a challenge at the beginning of the month which was to run 75 miles for Mind. Though I average 100 miles per month, I decided to go for 75 due to there being only 28 days to play with and not wanting any pressure to do more. I finished the challenge yesterday running 105 miles and completing 300 cycle miles on the Wattbike. I also walked a fair few with Olly dog. 

I became involved in two challenges with work. One was to run a marathon in 5 or 6 runs  (set distances) within 7 days, and the other was adding all of my miles into a collective exercise pot to win money for my force welfare fund. We are up against all of the other UK police forces and for the last couple of weeks we have been on top of the league table. Results will be announced on Friday.

I am still making my way along Route 66, and as of yesterday (Sunday) I had completed 837 of the 2278 miles (in 2 months). 

My only concern is my lack of ‘off switch’. I have either run or biked (or sometimes both) for the last 47 days without a rest day. My ‘all or nothing’ mentality is hanging around at the moment, and I don’t feel that I can give myself a day off. Don’t ask me how or why because I don’t know. I am seeing my knee surgeon next week, so maybe in the back of my head I am getting what I can in whilst I am still able. The thought of further surgery will once again spark the physical v mental debate in my head, as I wonder how long I can keep putting off the inevitable. This is not worth thinking about until any options are proposed. My ribs have still not fully healed after breaking them early in November and I am plagued by one or two other injuries which thankfully are not stopping me

I have got a medication review this month and whilst I have tried to come off my antidepressants, somewhat unsuccessfully (without my GP knowing or approval**) I have had to stay on them. My plan was to ask about coming off them, but I don’t think I am quite on top of that hill yet. Perhaps I will see where I am in another 6 months. Writing this has just reminded me about my brain activity study which I had back in December as I have not heard anything back yet. I need check to see what is going on with this. Maybe there was no activity so to speak 😊.

Nothing on the exercise challenge front this month, apart from to run 26.2 miles in March for Marie Curie. I would usually run this in a week, so I entered Olly instead. It will probably only take him 7-10 days. He will need his own medal rack at this rate.

Going back to paragraph 1 and the slump I found myself in, I am actually ok. There are no worries or concerns, it is just the peaks and troughs of living with mental distress on top of the situation and circumstances we are all in. I have had a good few days, the sun was shining on the weekend and I have not laughed as much as I have over the last couple of months.

There is finally some positivity regarding an end to ‘stay at home’, so hopefully some normal life will return on a gradual month by month basis. I found being out on the weekend a little strange as the sun brought out the people to the popular places where I either run or walk Olly. I have got so used to the simple quiet life and at times, I felt somewhat disjointed or suffocated by people being around me. I don’t like people at the best of times so being reintroduced into society will take some getting used to (it sounds like I have just been released from prison).

Take care fellow inmates.

** Please seek medical advice and support and do no try and do this yourself.